Because How Much Grander Would Life Be if We Encouraged Everyone Around Us to Be Happy?

I don't  know about you, but I'm sick of the flood of judgements I'm faced with daily. They may not all be directed at me, but the negativity reaches far past the person that's being singled out. It settles over the people who read/hear/see it like a storm cloud. Raining on those who think differently. What happened to the golden rule? A small piece of wisdom our parents passed on to us as children that we've somehow forgotten as we've grown older. More than ever, I believe society needs to reflect on that small token of advice. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

It seems elementary for me to throw that out there, but I really believe some people are incapable of agreeing to disagree. They've made it their own personal mission to make everyone take their side. Here's a newsflash for you though: THERE ARE NO SIDES. No matter what you believe, we are all in this together. I am not in the habit of competing with anyone else. I want to live a long healthy and happy life and do the best that I can as a mother to ensure my children can as well. In the end, isn't that what we all want? Happiness.

Can we all come to a silent agreement that more often than not we settle for less than we deserve? Yes? Ok good. Friends, we really need to stop this. I won't judge the moments you aren't proud of. I won't run off and gossip about your failings as a parent, friend, or person. In fact, I'll let you in on a little secret.... most of those so called "failings" aren't failings at all. They're trial runs. They are those moments of learning you need to make you better. We all have them. We all make decisions we question, we regret, we deny. Every person I know. So I think it's safe to assume that goes for every person I don't know too.  We spend so much time getting hung up on these moments that we forget to see that glimmer of good shining through. It's there my friends. Hiding amongst the chaos. Well camouflaged so that only the ones truly seeking it out find its beautiful rays of hope. A promise that this isn't your life, but a tiny piece of the  puzzle that makes you, you.

So here's my heartfelt assurances to you my friends. I will not judge your beliefs, I'm so very glad that you have them. I will not judge your lifestyle choice. Gay, straight, Republican, Democrat, addict, doesn't matter one bit to me. I will not judge you as a parent, we are all doing the best that we can with what we have. I salute you for being there for your children. I will not judge your facebook posts, your crazy hairstyle choice, the color of your skin, your economic status, your education. I will not judge. We are imperfect. The way we are meant to be. I will not cram my God down your throat or pretend that my ways are the best ways. But, I'll be there to lend an ear when you feel like no one is listening. I'll be there to hold your hand when you're feeling afraid. I'll be there cheering you on as you take an unsure leap into your future. I'll be that voice when you feel like you can't speak. Friends, I'm here for you.

I'm beside you 100% of the way with my own insecurities, my own reservations, my own shortcomings. I question everything I do. I can't take compliments as much as I can't take criticism. I make mistakes every day. I'm not perfect as a mother or as a person. Some days I feel like I'm bat shit crazy. Some days I spend more time yelling than speaking. Some days I let my kids hang out in their pajamas all day. Some days I make macaroni and cheese and hot dogs and call it supper. Some days I can't make myself see past all the negative that surrounds me.

But, some days aren't every day.

You have to make it through the storm clouds to see the sunshine. Even on the days where you can no longer tell which are tears and which are raindrops.  That silver lining is hiding in there. Reminding us that every time we survive something that has hurt us we have just become a little more tough. A little more prepared. A little more grateful. Friends don't turn some days into every day. Don't let the harshness of society and it's ever-evolving need to judge, harden the softess of your heart. And on the days you find this impossible to do please remember me, cheering you on. We are in this life together. I want your happiness as much as my own. Because how much grander would life be if we encouraged everyone around us to be happy.

Spread kindness friends, not judgements.

Until next time,
Namaste~

Finding Inner Strength

You know what pisses me off?  Women who are too blind by "love" to see that they deserve so much more than the pathetic excuses of  men they think they are destined to spend the rest of their lives with.

I may not be an "educated" person (in terms of psychology), but I spent SEVEN years loving a man who called me Cunt more than my actual name.  When I finally found the strength to start loving myself more than him, my whole world changed.

Scrolling through my facebook today, I was stunned by the amount of pain and anguish coming from the women (young and old) who just do not realize how incredible they are. 

A man won't neglect you, belittle you, lie to you, or hide things from you.  A man WILL build you up, believe in you, push you to be better, laugh with you, cry with you, hold you when you feel like the world is caving in around you.  He will put you before his friends, YOU will be his best friend. 

There are times when I just want to reach through computer screen grab these women and shake them. 

So ladies here it goes, this is my heartfelt advice to you.  Speaking from experience.

You only get one life.  One chance, One go around at it.  If you don't know your self worth, don't expect a man to figure it out for you. 

Life has a way of handing you the things you expect to be handed.  When you expect crap, that's what you'll get.  However, if you start expecting good things they will slowly start working their way into your life.  This is no joke.  Not even one week after I sat down and wrote out a list of qualities my "Prince Charming" would have.  My amazing husband found me on the internet.  We have been with each other ever since.

I sat down and wrote out where I wanted to go in my life, and wrote out what I wanted in a man.  I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't settle for anything less than what I wrote on this list.  My ideal man had to be someone who could make me laugh.  Who could accept me for who I was and not what he wanted me to be.  Who would love my children, and respect me as their mother.  Who had goals, who had God in his life, and wanted this for me as well. 

After Alex and I started dating not only did I check every single one of these expectations off of my list, he had qualities in him that I hadn't even thought that I needed.  He awoke a part of myself that I hadn't known I'd lost.  With him I feel free, strong, smart, and beautiful.  Most importantly, I feel LOVED, not just some days; but EVERY day. 

When sitting down and reflecting on your current relationship, if you can say that you cry more than three times a week, that should be your first red flag. Do you fight with him daily? And I'm not talking about bickering back and forth, my husband and I do that regularly. By "fighting" I mean screaming, yelling, cursing, name calling, knock down, drag out arguments that can be heard by half the neighborhood.
Second red flag.

Does he tell you you're beautiful more than just once or twice a year (or even a month)? Even when you know you look like death warmed over? Does he believe in your aspirations? Does he even know you have them? Does he go out regularly with his boys, but date nights are pretty much non-existant for you? Does he hide or lock his phone?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it's time to start re-evaluating your relationship. 
And I realize that this is so much easier said than done.
Trust me. 

Remember that seven years I mentioned at the beginning of this post?  It didn't just gradually turn to shit, it was pretty much shit from the beginning.  I was just to naive to see it.  Everyone around me told me to leave him, some even begged.  But, I just couldn't.  Despite everything they said, no matter how true I knew it was, I was so desperate to cling on to him.  Even though nearly every morning was spent with our faces red, and my throat raw from the screaming; eyes bloodshot from the tears that just kept coming.  The hurtful things he'd say and the neglect would simply melt away by the time night came.  Just wanting him there to sleep next to.  To feel his arms around me.  I thought that that's all I needed. 
Companionship.

My point ladies, is simply this:  Picture the man you would want your daughter to end up with (or imaginary daughter), and be as detailed in this image as you'd like, as long as you are realistic (i.e. no superpowers, millionaires, actual Princes, etc).  Now compare these qualities to your current man.  If he comes no where close to the man you imagine your daughter deserves, why would you settle for him? 

Being alone is hard.  But it is better to be alone on your own, than to be alone in a relationship. 

Be a role model for the little ladies in your lives.  Show them that you are an independent person, who KNOWS that she deserves nothing less than the best.  Don't go searching for Mr. Right, let him find you. 

Let love pursue you!

Get up every day, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat this OUT LOUD: 

"I am beautiful.  I am strong. I deserve nothing less than the best.  Today may not be perfect, but I will find the beauty that is hidden within it, as well as within myself, and I will let it shine for the world to see."

Your future begins with you.  Make it something incredible by finding your inner strength.

Until next time...

Namaste~