Life Lessons Don't Take a Vacation

Summer's over kids and your mom has taken quite a long break in her writing. I'm sorry for this.

With the change in our routine, the separation, and craziness; I've kept myself preoccupied and busy with various projects and new hobbies.

And in all honesty I'm coming off of a massive case of writer's block.

However, I learned something very valuable and as I lay here at nearly 10:30 at night, I can't seem to allow myself to sleep before getting it out. So here it goes.

Sometimes in life situations arise that test you. They test the goodness in you, my loves. A test that may seem easy when talked about, but proves to be so much harder when you are in the throes of it.

My resolve was tested this summer. In a way that I'm admittedly still struggling to come to terms with. Not because of regret, not because of anger, but because of genuine hurt and confusion.

It's led me to realize one major flaw of myself that I am learning to embrace. Sometimes things are better left to work themselves out. I am a person who more often than not, cannot leave unresolved issues lay. I try to hard to fix things and end up making a bigger mess than the one I started with. This time, I'm being good. I'm leaving it where it's at and letting fate take over.

I'm accepting the situation for what it appears to be and that's because of this important tidbit of information I'm about to pass on to you.

So without further ado...

Someday a person may come to you in their time of need. I'd like to hope at a moment like this that all you can think about is how much you genuinely care about this person. How much you love them from the depths of your soul. Without question you know that you will be there. You will help them. Even if it tests your patience, your sanity, and your ability to see past the flaws in yourself and them.

Sometimes you are put in the middle of someone's path for a reason. You may not understand why, but it is there, hidden just outside of view.

Sometimes these moments will give you (seemingly) nothing in return. Please, guys, listen to your mom when I say do it anyway.

Sometimes through your dedication this person gains so much more than they had. Even if your role is minute in their outcome, a piece nearly unrecognizable in the panaromic view of their life. Do it anyway.

Even when they walk away after and never speak to you again. Revisit why you said yes. Rethink the place you were in. The genuine love and desire to help and do it anyway.

Never second guess the role you play in someone else's life when the part your playing grows from the goodness in your heart. You cannot go wrong when you begin with pure intentions.

If events unfold and this person fades away, it's okay. You didn't get involved to reap the benefits. If you were expecting something in return then that is a reflection on your character, not theirs.

Find comfort in knowing that when someone needed you, you were there. There are so few people left in this world who think of others before themselves. Be the ones who do good solely because it is the right thing to do.

I promise you, you will love yourself so much more for it.

All of this can be said for people you don't know, too. Help that woman trying to console a screaming toddler who just dropped an entire bag of groceries on the parking lot pavement. Rush to open the door for the elderly couple barely standing upright with the support of their walkers. Stand up for that kid, that adult, that animal, being bullied.

Do it and you will feel your heart grow. You will sense a lightness in your step and your goodness will touch the lives of those fortunate enough to witness your act of selflessness.

It is so easy to give into comfort. So easy to turn your back on someone because it seems as if their drama; their problems; their situations will be an inconvenience to you. Don't be that person. Don't give into the negative kiddos. You are so much more than that.

I pray that I instill a compassion in you so big that it lights a fire under your ass anytime you see someone being selfish and cruel. I pray that I give you a good enough example of how a person with a good heart behaves that it touches the lives of every person you ever meet.

While you may have had a summer vacation, and I may have pretty much taken the summer off of writing for this blog. There is no vacation from truly learning all life has to offer. Lessons come at you at every turn. When the last thing you can think about doing is turning and welcoming these lessons with open arms.... Please. Do it anyway.

All my love,
Mama

A Letter to My Children

To My Children,

The other day I questioned myself. I questioned my instinct to react first, think later. I'm not so naive to believe this is the first time this question has crossed my mind, but today it definitely did. Not because I lashed out violently towards someone, but because I didn't consider that my words may impact those I would never wish to hurt. As good as my intentions are people perceive situations in their own way. They interpret words in their own unique process. I questioned my capability to truly put others before myself, in the smallest of moments.

So kiddos, this question made it imperative to me to leave you with a small list of motherly wisdom.

1.  It is never what you say, but the way in which you say it. Never be so naive as to believe your words won't leave a mark on the people they touch. I know I've never given you a golden example of self control when it comes to anger management. But darlings this is one of those listen to what I say ignore what you see me do types of situations. Your mother isn't perfect and over the years my sharp tongue has put me in a lot of different predicaments. Once something is spoken it may be forgiven, but it probably won't be forgotten.

2. When in doubt sleep on it. No decision worth making has to be made instantaneously. Decisions worth making deserve careful consideration. Anyone who pressures you either way does not have your best interest at heart. And while you think of all the good that will come to you, remember to think of the bad. They go hand in hand, my loves.

3. Sometimes our lives take wild turns. Despite our best effort to prepare for the unforseeable, God is and always will be in control. Don't fear what lies ahead of you, but embrace it with an open heart. Appreciate the moment you're in because as fast as it came, it will disappear.

4. You must love yourself before you can truly love another. Everyone is self-conscious kiddos. No one is so full of confidence that they aren't afraid of judgement. The trick is not letting the opinions of others skew the love you have for yourself. It's this love that will enable you to fully give yourself to someone else.

5. Some people live to rain on other people's parades. Everyday you have to make the choice of whether you are going to carry your umbrella today or dance in the rain. I won't pretend that this world is perfect. There are bullies everywhere. They hide in the darkest of corners, but also prance around in the most beautiful disguises right in front of your face. I can't protect you from the hurt that comes with them, only tell you a bully will always show their true colors eventually. It's up to you what will happen next.

6. Ask questions. No matter the situation. Job interview; meeting someone new; the waitress at your favorite restaurant; you're in a rough spot. Always, always, always ask questions. It's incredible what you can learn if you take the time to ask one simple question. Never forget knowledge is power.

7. When all else fails don't forget you have family. Your dad and I love you more than you will ever know. No matter how great or how bad it is, we are here for you. God gave us you; but he also gave you us. You will never have to walk your journey alone.

Everyday you grow just a little bit more. You learn something new, you test the limits of what you know, and you create magic that I wish I could freeze and keep forever. I apologize for my shortcomings as your mom, but I hope you realize those mistakes are helping me grow too. Just as I'm trying to mold you into the amazing people I hope to see you become one day, you have been molding me into the mom that you deserve. Please kiddos, don't grow up too fast on me.

All my love,
Mama

Make It Count

I don't pretend that I have all the answers. Most days I'm at a loss for words so please don't read this thinking I'll be unveiling the how to's of life. All I know is that I'm determined to make this year a better year than last. I respect the hell out of all you avid resolutionaries. The ones who probably spend all of December going over their year. The ones who try to prep for what we have come to view as our blank slate period (aka January). I'm not one of those.

No matter the effort of trying that I put into it. The process becomes overstimulating for me and I get burnt out really quick. The anxiety I feel from reliving even the good moments of my previous year is enough to make me want to commit myself. Judge me as you will. I'm a spaz.
Moving on.


That doesn't mean that I don't set goals for myself. In years past I was all about the number of goals. I know. Silly and naive. No worries, I now focus on the quality.

I'm realistic.

365 days is a long period of time to commit to endeavors that you won't put your whole heart into. I don't like the idea of dooming myself before I even begin so I try to generate ideas that will grow me as a mother, wife, and person. This year my overall goal is to live in the moment.

There are few things that we can actually control in this life. Once we accept that life can become a lot easier for us. I've wasted way too much of my time stressing out over situations outside of my control. And even more over situations that hadn't and could very possibly NEVER happen. I dream of a year with less of this. Less anxiety. Less worry. More focus on the moment in time where I do have control. Control over my emotions. Over my choices. Over my actions.

I want to spend my year loving more and yelling less. Ok, look. I have five kids. My home is overflowing with love, but it is also overflowing with noise. Loud, unnerving hysteria that centers around the constant worrying of what someone else is doing. Unless of course "nobody" is doing it because obviously "nothing" is going on. (insert exaggerated eye roll). I will remind myself amidst all the chaos there is a magical world of childhood imagination that my kids have created. A world that I will visit more because my children won't be children for long. And I'm coming to grips with the realization that the more I yell the faster this life stage disappears. I'm not ready for that so I will make the conscience descion to be in the moment.

This year will be the year that I stop comparing my life to everyone else's and stop letting other people's assumptions affect how I feel about myself. No one's story is identical to mine so how can I expect to have the same pages? Our journeys are meant to be our own. We walk alongside one another for the company not for competition. We all need to spend less time judgine one another on how far we have or haven't come. I will remember that those who spend their life going through mine with a fine tooth comb are just looking for a distraction from their own problems. I will focus solely on those who enrich my life.

In closing, here's to making 2015 count. Stay present in all you do this year. Life is a gift and we are all struggling with our own issues, be kinder to those around you.


Namaste.