I don't pretend that I have all the answers. Most days I'm at a loss for words so please don't read this thinking I'll be unveiling the how to's of life. All I know is that I'm determined to make this year a better year than last. I respect the hell out of all you avid resolutionaries. The ones who probably spend all of December going over their year. The ones who try to prep for what we have come to view as our blank slate period (aka January). I'm not one of those.
No matter the effort of trying that I put into it. The process becomes overstimulating for me and I get burnt out really quick. The anxiety I feel from reliving even the good moments of my previous year is enough to make me want to commit myself. Judge me as you will. I'm a spaz.
Moving on.
That doesn't mean that I don't set goals for myself. In years past I was all about the number of goals. I know. Silly and naive. No worries, I now focus on the quality.
I'm realistic.
365 days is a long period of time to commit to endeavors that you won't put your whole heart into. I don't like the idea of dooming myself before I even begin so I try to generate ideas that will grow me as a mother, wife, and person. This year my overall goal is to live in the moment.
There are few things that we can actually control in this life. Once we accept that life can become a lot easier for us. I've wasted way too much of my time stressing out over situations outside of my control. And even more over situations that hadn't and could very possibly NEVER happen. I dream of a year with less of this. Less anxiety. Less worry. More focus on the moment in time where I do have control. Control over my emotions. Over my choices. Over my actions.
I want to spend my year loving more and yelling less. Ok, look. I have five kids. My home is overflowing with love, but it is also overflowing with noise. Loud, unnerving hysteria that centers around the constant worrying of what someone else is doing. Unless of course "nobody" is doing it because obviously "nothing" is going on. (insert exaggerated eye roll). I will remind myself amidst all the chaos there is a magical world of childhood imagination that my kids have created. A world that I will visit more because my children won't be children for long. And I'm coming to grips with the realization that the more I yell the faster this life stage disappears. I'm not ready for that so I will make the conscience descion to be in the moment.
This year will be the year that I stop comparing my life to everyone else's and stop letting other people's assumptions affect how I feel about myself. No one's story is identical to mine so how can I expect to have the same pages? Our journeys are meant to be our own. We walk alongside one another for the company not for competition. We all need to spend less time judgine one another on how far we have or haven't come. I will remember that those who spend their life going through mine with a fine tooth comb are just looking for a distraction from their own problems. I will focus solely on those who enrich my life.
In closing, here's to making 2015 count. Stay present in all you do this year. Life is a gift and we are all struggling with our own issues, be kinder to those around you.
Namaste.
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