Sometimes I Wonder If I'm Insane

It has been four months, 3 weeks, and 2 days since we have seen or even heard from Aubrie.  The toll it's taking on Alex and our children is nearly beyond repair.  Lydia pretends to play with "her" every day almost, and Damian just flat out says, "well we never get to see her anyways."
 I'm sure by now Penelope doesn't even remember her.
  I wonder if she misses us, but mainly if she even remembers who we are.
 Will I still be able to hold that sweet little baby in my lap; with her purple fuzzy "blank" and all of those darned monkeys; and sing "You Are My Sunshine" until she falls asleep?
Does she even still need Monk and Coco and Chimpy?
            .. and the purple sock monkey I got her for her birthday..
         ... does she even group that one with the others or is it lost in the shuffle of the rest of her toys?

I could go on forever about the thoughts that cross my mind.  All the things I wonder about how she's developing.  My heart hurts thinking about it.


Dearest Aubrie,


   I am sending you this letter for an important reason.  First I think it is important for you to know that it has been soaked in slobber, due to the one billion kisses that were slathered on it by three little monsters that miss you fiercely. Also, notice that is scrunched quite a bit as well.  Why? You ask.  Well my silly dear, that is from two breath-taking squeezes that were inflicted upon it by two big monsters.
    Now, on to business.  I am sending you this letter because there is an awful big piece missing in our family.  We miss you so much my sunshine.  If only you could see how big your little sister is getting, and how much she is like you.  She is a tiny piece of you that can never be taken away from us, but still will never completely fill the void that your absence leaves. 
   We think of you every single day,  Some nights, my sweet girl, we see you in our dreams. 
   Lydia, I believe, misses you the most.  She still imagines what it would be like if you were here with us.  She brings you with us everywhere. 
   I know in my heart that we will be together again.  There is know doubt in my mind that you will live with us and our family will be complete.  I know it's what's best for you.  Just as I know you need all of us to be happy.

I love you.

Meggy